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SCRABBLE IS NOT ALLOWED AT WORK |
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by Michael Scott
 I've been noticing a lot of online Scrabble playing going on lately and I'm putting an end to it right now. Dunder Mifflin is a workplace. It's not some online cyber-café. Scrabble takes up a lot of time. It's not as long as Monopoly, but it's pretty close. Also, Scrabble is hard. Really hard. [That's what she said] There are much better things to do with your time. Like Boggle. Boggle is a great game. It's really fun and only takes three minutes each game. If anyone wants to play Boggle with me, I got a new edition for Christmas (present to myself) and it's just sitting there on my shelf. Come on in and play a game or two. I'm sorry to be the Scrabble knotsy, but you can't play Scrabble anymore in the office. Only Boggle.
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THE MICROWAVE IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL HOME OVEN |
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by Angela Martin
I have held my tongue on this subject long enough. I will be silent no longer. It is NOT okay to re-heat fish in the microwave. You know who you are, culprit. It is disgusting and leaves an odor that lingers not only in the microwave, but in the office bullpen as well. When anyone else uses the microwave, the foul stench of your fish attacks whatever is being heated. I tried to warm up a cup of coffee this morning and had to throw it out after my first sip because it tasted like trout. I realize that this is part of your new diet, but this has gone way too far. You share an office with thirteen other people and using the microwave for such unpleasantness is both rude and inconsiderate. I'm sorry for not addressing this on a one-to-one basis, but I do not like confrontation.
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WATCH THIS!
A Monthly Movie Review Column |
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"Defending Your Life"
by Michael Gary Scott
I know this isn't a new movie, but I couldn't sleep last week and it was the only movie On Demand that I hadn't seen, so I watched it. And guess what? It was incredible! This is definitely one of my Top 100 movies now. It stars Albert Brooks as a guy who dies. He goes to this place called "Judgment City" where he meets Meryl Streep and the mean producer guy from "The Larry Sanders Show" (I never really liked that show and I wasn't alone -- the studio audience never even laughed at it). In Judgment City, people go to court to defend their lives -- which is the title of the movie. There's a pretty good love story going on, but the best parts are when you find out all the awesome stuff about Judgment City. Like, did you know, that when you die and go to Judgment City, you can eat all the food you want and never gain a pound? Oh, and did I mention that it's the best food you've ever tasted? Well it is! I literally cannot wait to get there. My one big question is: how did they get the cameras up to Judgment City if you have to be dead to be there? Did they have to hire dead cameramen or just people that were on their way there anyway? It was kind of confusing because they never explain that. Oh! I almost forgot. They have this thing called "The Pavilion of Past Lives" or something like that where you get to go and see who you were before you were you AS HOLOGRAMS. How cool is that? In terms of the acting, Albert Brooks was really funny although not as funny as he was in "Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World." I'd give the movie eight thumbs up out of ten. If you get On Demand, you should definitely see "Defending Your Life."
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STANLEY'S CORNER |
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by Stanley "The Manley" Hudson
"Once again, I am not writing anything for this silly newsletter. I don't know how much clearer I can be." [Transcribed word for word by Michael Scott]
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DWIGHT SPEAKS! |
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by Dwight Schrute
Many among us have fond memories of snowball fights when we were juveniles. Let me be the first to remind you that those days are gone. Snowballs cause millions of injuries every day. I don't have exact statistics, but snowball-related deaths are surely on the rise. When I was a boy, I threw a snowball at my cousin Heindl and was unaware that I had included ice into said ball. When the snowball struck him in the face, it sliced into him with the force of a small tornado or hail storm. Heindl has been permanently disfigured ever since. Let that be a lesson to us all. Earlier in the month, I was attacked by a barrage of snowballs thrown by one of our most idiotic employees (hint: he has floppy hair) and it brought up terrible memories and a substantial amount of guilt that had been hidden inside me for quite some time. It also hurt. Therefore, if you're engaging in snowball activity on Dunder Mifflin premises (i.e. the parking lot, warehouse, kitchen, break room, bullpen, annex, conference room, reception area, etc.), you are subject to immediate termination, as long as Michael says it's okay. Don't be a fool, leave snowball play to children.
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SCRANTONICITY II ROCKS THE 2008 SCRANTON CHAMBER OF COMMERCE "LEAP YEAR WINTER CARNIVAL" |
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by Kevin Malone, lead singer and drummer, Scrantonicity II (NOT Scrantonicity)
 My band, Scrantonicity II, is totally going to rock the - poop - out of the "Leap Year Winter Carnival" fundraiser for the Scranton Chamber of Commerce. It's over at the Trolley Museum on Friday, February 29th (The first one in FOUR YEARS!) at 7:30 and we're playing an all-out, rock-and-roll, hold-on-to-your-baby, get-your-dancing-shoes-on, fifteen minute set right before the event starts. We'll be playing all of our hits, as well as some really exciting new stuff we've been working on. I don't want to ruin any of the surprises, but let's just say I got two new cymbals and they will be used. I hope to see you all there.
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