by: Pam Halpert
Would you rather read a book or watch TV?
34% said read a book
60% said watch TV
*Creed wrote in "I'd rather be fly fishing."
"Magic" Mike is RIGHT
by: Kelly Kapoor
AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry guys, I'm just insanely, insanely excited about the movie, "Magic Mike." Seriously - get me a fan cuz I'm about to lose my cool. Tatum, McConaughey, Pettyfer, Bomer, that sexyback werewolf from True Blood… Swoon! It's like I died and went to Club Xquisite. I fully support objectifying men in films, and I can't wait to watch it a million times and then buy it on Blu-ray.
After "Sex and the City The Movie" and "Sex and the City 2," I thought I'd never get to see so many oiled up muscles on the big screen all at once ever again, which made me super depressed. It didn't help matters that Ryan insisted on watching "Varsity Blues," "Wild Things" and "Charlie's Angels 2" every weekend (boring, ew and ugh). So last time I went to the psychic at the mall, I asked her 2 things: will I ever own a Birkin bag, and more importantly will there ever be a sexy stripper movie starring all the hottest GUYS in Hollywood?? I didn't get any answers because she was arrested for fraudulent fortune telling and attempted grand larceny that day, but the point is that I put that wish out into the universe, and the universe delivered!!! "Magic Mike": Rated R for being RIDIC HOT.
It's a McMiracle!
by: Kevin Malone
I've never been a fan of the Olympics cause there's no football. Sometimes I forget that's what they call soccer in fancy countries, and then I get really mad when I tune in. Why you gotta trick me, Olympics? Not cool. Not cool at all, so usually I want nothing to do with you. That is until I heard McDonalds is opening its largest restaurant ever to kick off the Summer Olympics in London. Holy cow, now I'm interested! It will be two stories tall, and can fit 1500 people. That's more friends than my weird aunt has on Facebook! (She friends everybody, even people in jail).
I know the games are only a month away, but I might try to go so I can be one of the first people at this Olympic Park mega-eatery. It sounds like such a magical and inspirational place. I can see it now - the stakes are high and I have a lot to prove, I'm tired from traveling and I've already eaten a number 3, a number 8 and two number 5's, but people are cheering me on and I find the strength from deep inside to finish a Triple Thick Shake and a 20-piece Chicken McNuggets, and then Ronald McDonald himself presents me with a gold medal for being the #1 customer. Maybe afterward I'd go watch some gymnastics, but I'd have to leave cause everyone would make a crazy fuss over me and my McDonalds medal and it'd distract the athletes. I'll let you guys know if it really turns out that way…
Needed: Three Hots and a Cot, One Night Only
by: Meredith Palmer
Mer's got herself a little bit of a problem. Apparently the library is closed July 4th, and that's where I've been secretly sleeping at night (it's a complicated story - it involves a fire and my drinking buddy, Snaggletooth. Can't fully explain here, but the short of it is that my house is gonna be boarded up for a while, and the cops may or may not be looking for me). I was wondering if any of you'd be willing to take me in for the holiday? I would sleep in my van, but it smells so damn bad in there. Honestly I'd actually be doing you a solid cause I'm the best frickin' Independence Day guest in the Mid-Atlantic - I've got a bunch of cherry bombs and M-80s, not to mention I make one hell of a sloppy Joe. Shoot me a text if you're feelin' the deal.
Request from HR
by: Toby Flenderson
To whoever keeps putting up the racy "Magic Mike" posters all over the office, I'm asking you politely to please stop. Dunder Mifflin encourages self-expression, but it needs to be limited to your own workspace. And frankly the abs on those guys are completely unrealistic. If you had endless time on your hands and a personal trainer, and didn't gravitate toward so much peach cobbler during your stressful divorce, then yes, maybe it's a possibility… Anyway just quit with the posters.