Dunder Mifflin, Inc. - Scranton Newsletter

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Vol. 13 #7
July 28, 2011

PAM'S POLL
by: Pam Halpert

Should we ban smoking on Dunder Mifflin premises?

53% said "Yes"
46% said "No"
1% said "Tobacco or Marijuana?"

CELEB 411
by: Kelly Kapoor

I was with my sister at Panera Bread when I heard the news. I put down my panini, picked up my phone and read the text from Ryan: "Amy Winehouse dead." At first I thought he meant her career. And I was like, you couldn't be farther from the truth, Ry! Yeah maybe she's going through a rough patch, but with that insanely soulful voice, her career will never be over. Then Rupa googled it, and we confirmed the worst... she was gone. I was in total shock. I still am. Part of me believes it; part of me wants to think Amy Winehouse

she's on an island somewhere with Tupac and Aaliyah. Wherever she is, I'll miss her more than I miss high school or Dr. Pepper gum. Not only was Amy's voice one of a kind, but so was her beauty and fashion. Normally I would say mixing retro clothes with winged eyeliner and a ton of tats is a huge no-no, but Amy pulled it off. She was an icon.

I'd like to request that all the women in the office wear beehives for a week in her honor, and I'll have the Back to Black album playing on repeat in my nook. R.I.P. Amy :'(

REQUEST
by: Dwight Schrute

Mose has recently taken up toe wrestling. He's looking for opponents. Please let me know if you're interested (if you have hangnails consider yourself not worthy).

HE-COVERY
by: Ryan Howard

During the recession, men bore the burden of job losses. It was a "Mancession," and I could feel the effects all around me. There were fewer barbecues, fewer guys doing extreme sports, fewer guys getting laid (not myself). After losing my job back in '04 for "committing fraud," I can relate to how bad it feels. It's humiliating, uncomfortable, and unbecoming. But employment and testosterone levels are finally getting back to where they should be. We're in a full-on He-covery. Just like those steaks you guys are happily cooking again, I'd like to say well done.

WHAT THE #$@%!
by: Meredith Palmer

Pretty pissed over here. Just found out Sparks is no longer a caffeinated alcoholic drink. Normally I wouldn't mind a pure malt beverage, but I've been drinking Sparks instead of coffee in the morning. No wonder I've been passing out in my van before I even eat lunch! When I drank the old Sparks I used to wonder, man -- how drunk am I? I have no idea. The best part is it doesn't even matter cause I am holding it down up in here! So much hammered energy. Now I'm just trying to hold my freaking head off my desk. Anybody got any suggestions? And don't say vodka Red Bull, I'm not a degenerate.

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