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FLAX "SEEDS" |
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by Holly Flax
Thank you very much to everyone that has stopped by to compliment my "Flax 'Seeds.'" I am quite proud of them now and your encouragement serves to make me even more proud of them. Thank you one and all. Now, without further adieu (I love that word!), here are the seeds:
- All polar bears are left-handed. This makes it very hard for them to find a comfortable pair of scissors.
- Pasteurization, the process of sterilizing certain foods, comes from French scientist Louis Pasteur. If he kept cows in his fields, they would be grazing in a Pasteur Pasture.
- Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. I don't know if gum is as effective when it comes to break-ups.
- The fastest animal on two legs is the ostrich. The fastest Dunder Mifflin employee on two legs is probably Jim, but I bet Oscar could give him a run for his money.
- The official dog of Pennsylvania is the Great Dane, or as I like to call them, Doggy Horses.
Those are your August Flax Seeds. I hope they find you all well. Just a reminder that there are no official Dunder Mifflin holidays in August (this includes 08/08/08), so if you take a day off this month, it counts as a vacation day.
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DWIGHT SPEAKS!
"The Pomegranate is No Match for the Beet" |
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by Dwight Schrute
I have recently observed several of you "enjoying" a glass of "healthy" pomegranate juice. I hope you know that you're the victims of a very elaborate marketing ploy. The pomegranate lobby has become extremely powerful in American agriculture and you're all just cogs in their giant machine of misinformation. If the beet industry had as much money to waste on influencing the American public, perhaps you would be savoring a lovely glass of beet juice right now (I had two glasses for breakfast this morning, in fact). Instead, beet farmers choose to spend their money on more important things than marketing, such as research and development of higher quality beets, beet sugar experimentation, and the medical uses of beets. The next time you buy a bottle of pomegranate juice, just remember that your money is going to fund more pomegranate billboards and not a better tasting pomegranate. Don't be the sheep of the pomegranate lobby, people. You're better than that. Most of you, at least.
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CAMPAIGN FOR DIET CREAM SODA |
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by Kevin Malone
Okay, so I started drinking Diet Cream Soda and I can't get enough of it. It's so good. That's why I want to put it in the vending machine so everyone can enjoy the creamy soda goodness. It's like drinking a can of liquid gold. I'm not a big fan of diet drinks, but diet cream soda doesn't even taste like a diet soda. It just tastes good, like regular soda. If I get more than half of the office to agree to switch out grape soda for diet cream soda, Michael will let me do it, so I need your signatures. Come sign up on the clipboard at my desk. You will not regret it.
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DON'T TOUCH MY CUP |
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by Meredith Palmer
 I have a cup that I drink out of. It's a 32 oz. cup from a convenience store and I drink from it every day. I have no idea who's doing this, but somebody has been washing it out at night and leaving it in the kitchen. Look, if I wanted a clean cup, I'd just go buy a new one. I don't need you or your legion of cleaning elves to come snooping around my desk, touching my cup, and doing things to it. It's my cup. It's not your cup. Keep your hands to yourself or I will find you and make you regret ever touching my cup in the first place. You've been warned.
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FOR SALE: XBOX 360 |
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by Jim Halpert
Hey guys, I know I probably shouldn't be using this as my own personal eBay, but it seemed like as good a place as any, so here goes. My girlfriend (you might know her -- cute girl, really nice, extremely intolerant to loud noises at late hours of the night, answers to the name of Beesly) hates my Xbox 360. She thinks I spend way too much time playing it, especially because our time together has been extremely limited lately. I agree. I should be playing a Wii instead because then she'll play with me. So I'm selling my Xbox 360 to save up for a Wii and to get back in her good graces. Once I get her hooked on Wii bowling, she'll never complain about my video games again. The system comes with six games, two controllers, and a pretty awesome graphic that my girlfriend drew on the side of the two of us spending quality time together reading as a reminder of what my priorities should be. You can have the whole package for $300 or best offer. It's a really good deal considering that I spent over $500 for everything you're getting. I'm not open to bartering unless it's a straight up trade for a Wii. Let's make a deal!
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WATCH THIS!
A (sometimes) Monthly Movie Review Column |
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by M. Gary Scott
"WANTED"
I know it's been out in the theatres for a little while now, but I finally got around to seeing Wanted and I was not disappointed. I never "wanted" it to end. Get it? It stars Morgan Friedman, Angelina Jolie, and this kid and they're all part of a secret fraternity of assassins who also make clothing. The kid is an accountant, but he finds out that his dad was one of these assassins and now his dad's dead and Angelina Jolie comes to bring the kid into the fraternity. I really connected to this story because my dad (real dad, not Jeff) used to be a secret agent and I've always wanted to follow in his footsteps. I wouldn't want to give up my job at Dunder Mifflin, though. I'd be a regional manager-secret agent-assassin if I had my choice.
Anyway, the kid's trying to get the guy who killed his dad and there's all kinds of big twists and turns and shoot-outs. I can't even tell you how many guns these people have. It was awesome. And scary, too, because guns can really hurt people and it's easy to forget that when you're watching a movie like this. I got kind of confused when they had this scene with a lot of rat-bombs, but all in all, this was a kick-ass movie. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone, especially people that like a lot of violence. Go see it today (after work)!
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