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GRILLING TIPS |
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by M. Gary Scott,
Regional Manager
Hey everyone! It's summer time again and you know what that means! "Can you smell what the Mike is cooking?!?" It's time for some grillin' and chillin' - Bar-b-que Style! My condo has these great outdoor plugs on the side of my building, so I just plug in my grill and I'm ready to go (once the grill plates heat up).
Before you start, make sure you don't put your meat on until the light on top of the grill has gone off - that means you're ready to go. Also, double-check that your drip pan is positioned correctly. If it's not, you're in for a big mess.
Once your grill is hot enough, just throw your steak right in between the two grill plates. Leave it there for twenty, thirty minutes until it's really brown and there's no more juice coming out. When you cut into it, the steak should be totally gray on the inside. If there's any pink, just put it in the microwave for five minutes and you're all set! Get a nice squirt of ketchup right on top and you've got yourself a fancy summer dinner.
Guess what I found out? Onions, which I have always hated, are actually edible if you put them on the grill! I'm serious. Just slap those suckers on the grill plate and in five minutes, they're really good. Jan's been showing me all kinds of stuff like that. She's my girlfriend. You guys knew that, right? Jan is my girlfriend. Just so you know.
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07/07/07 PARTY FEATURE |
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by Michael G. Scott
Can you say "off the hoooooooook?" That's what our 07/07/07 Party was! It was so much better that the 06/06/06 Party, the 05/05/05 Party and almost as good as the 04/04/04 Party even though Packer didn't show up to this one.
 As you all know, the theme was "777," like the jet, and thanks to the efforts of the fine ladies of the Party Planning Committee, it really was "high-flying"! Everything followed the airplane theme, from the little bags of peanuts to Angela's adorable little stewardess costume. I don't know where you found that, Angela, but if I wasn't seriously involved with Jan, we'd have to talk - if you know what I mean. [I can already hear your stupid voice in my head, Toby, and no, this isn't sexual harassment because I didn't actually say anything sexual. I'm only implying it.]
The highlight of the party had to be when I surprised everyone by pulling out the most classic movie of all time: Airplane! (not Airport 1975, which a lot of people confuse with the good one). We had an impromptu screening and it was awesome. Now everyone can quote classic lines like "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue," and "I take it black, like my men." [Listen up, Toby, and shut your stupid mouth. I'm just repeating things I've heard. There's no way that repeating something can be considered offensive.]
Thank you again to the Party Planning Committee for doing a bang-up job and thank you to Regional Manager Michael Scott for making work a hundred times better than home could ever be.
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TIPS FOR SUMMER SAFETY |
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by Dwight Schrute
Okay, people, it's August a.k.a. the month when you're most likely to burn your face off. If you listen to my summer safety tips, you shouldn't have a problem. If you don't, I hope you like walking around with your face covered in bandages and pus.
1. If your uncle gets you fireworks, do not set them off indoors. Find an open field (that is NOT occupied by crops of any kind) and stand far away. If you stand too close, you'll burn your face off, plain and simple.
2. When grilling, do not smell your meat until it is off the grill. Occasionally the oils from your head may drip into the flame and cause a flare-up and your face will burn off. It is not pretty. Just ask my cousin Heindl.
3. While lighting Tiki or Tiki-style torches at a picnic, you may be frustrated that the torch does not light immediately. A common reaction would be to examine the wick to determine the source of the problem. If you do this, you are exposing yourself to the possibility of burning your face off. The wick may suddenly ignite leaving you with a first-degree facial burn. Don't let this be you, Kevin.
4. Stay out of the sun. Remember: spending ten minutes in the sun at noon is the equivalent of holding a blowtorch to your face for an hour. Simple rule of thumb: if you stay in the sun for too long, your face = burned off.
Nobody likes people without faces. They even made a movie about it ["The Man Without a Face" is available at your local video store (also, selected scenes from "Face/Off")]. Follow my advice and you should have a face all summer.
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GUEST FEATURE: DWIGHT SPEAKS! |
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by Dwight Schrute
Seriously guys, stop stealing my pens. I know I have a lot of them and they're all really cool because I actually spend money on quality writing utensils, but that doesn't mean you can take them. I'm not running a pen library. Even if I was, there would be due dates for the pens that you borrow and penalties for not returning my pens on time. Considering that I'm not actually running a pen library, what you're doing is theft. Plain and simple. If I catch anyone stealing from me in the future, I will have you arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Consider this a warning.
Also, if you are currently harboring any stolen pens, you may return them until the end of the month under my newly imposed Pen Theft Amnesty Program. No questions asked.
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