 |
|
|
|
FLAX "SEEDS" |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Holly Flax
Are you guys ready for some new "Seeds"? If you're not it's okay, you can read them later. Although I don't know what would prepare you for them...I guess ready or not, here they come!
- Oxymoron is a phrase that combines two contradictory terms. An ox is a dumb and clumsy animal, the morons of the animal kingdom... wouldn't the word be better to pair moron with a clever animal? I think they should change the word to "foxymoron."
- Do you think the Riddler wears Guess Jeans? They already have his logo on the tag.
- The gas station by my house lets me refill my coffee thermos for $1, I wish I could refill my gas tank for $1.
- I heard in Japan they invented a robot that can teach you how to dance. Do you think it does a dance called "The Human"?
- Do you think Killer Whales are aggressive because of their names, like a self-fulfilling prophecy? I bet they'd be nicer if they were called "Gentle Whales."
Were you ready for that? I hope so. I also hope you all take advantage of the flu shots available at the office park this week. Save your sick days for when you're healthy enough to enjoy them...kidding! That'd be unethical, you should use your vacation days when you're healthy and want time off. Anyway shots are available from 11-2 on Wednesday.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DWIGHT SPEAKS! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Dwight Schrute
Chewing on pens is completely unacceptable. It's a disgusting habit that some of my co-workers partake in. This oral fixation is offering up a slew of germs and/or viruses to not only the chewer, but the person he/she passes their pen on too. When you put office supplies in your mouth you are sharing a dose of your infectious saliva with all your co-workers. Although my writing utensils are heavily guarded, I still come across a chewed pen every now and then. The other day I found Andy chewing on one of my pens - to retaliate I walked over and spat on his desk. I've reached my wit's end with pen chewers - their filthy habit will no longer be tolerated. To encourage everyone to halt this behavior I will be applying a dose of an anticoagulant to all of the pens in the office. Consider yourself warned.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
SINGER'S CORNER |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Darryl Philbin
Hello all. As you probably know, singing and songwriting have always been one of my great loves. I thought I'd use this newsletter as a way to share my work with all of you that don't have an opportunity to hear me perform. These are the lyrics from my latest song; I call it, "Paradox of the Box." I hope y'all like it.
Boxes and boxes on shelves and shelves,
Stacked into clusters they keep to themselves.
Where they come from, it's hard to know,
Apply the shipping label and off they go.
Empty and light, load them with possibilities,
Heavy when full, lifting with your back leads to disability.
Sturdy and strong, they envelop so much,
Light and malleable, fold them down with a touch.
Confined to the warehouse, they long to be free...
Can't you see...I am that box, the box is me.
Chorus:
Blowing the mind, breaking all the locks,
It's the paradox of the box!
Yeah!
Letting it shine, thinking outside the box,
It's the paradox of the box!
Yeah! Yeah!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
THE CELEB 411 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Kelly Kapoor
OMG you guys! I just heard that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant! Again! She just gave birth to a super cute baby girl, Maddie Briann, three months ago. Now it looks like Maddie is going to have a little baby brother or sister to play with pretty soon!
Leave it to a member of the Spears family to start a new trend: teen pregnancies. Having a baby before you graduate high school has gone from "totally bad news" to "super cool" in the last year (sort of like cardigans). Getting pregnant as a teen is the best way to get attention (who knew who Bristol Palin was before she had her teen pregnancy?). Plus you get to shop for awesome designer baby clothes (is there anything cuter than a baby in a Von Dutch hat?!). And you get to be a young hot mom - when Jamie Lynn goes to her soccer games all of her teammates are going to be sooo jealous of her. I wish I had a baby when I was still a teenager... I was such a dork in high school.
So congratulations to Jamie Lynn on both having another baby and being a trendsetter! I wonder what two names she's going to pick for the newer baby?! It's going to be so cute!!! I can't wait!!! AHHHH!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
AND NOW MICHAEL SCOTT |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
by Michael Scott
 Sometimes I think I could invent things better than the inventors do. There are lots of times when I know what will make an invention better long before the inventors themselves. Like when the first cell phones came out, I looked at them and instantly thought, "They should make these really small." It was years before the telephone manufacturers got that idea.
In the interest of saving time, I'm going to share another idea: I think inventors should make a car that works without gasoline. I actually had this idea a long time ago - I don't know why they haven't thought of it yet. It could solve so many problems. Everyone hates going to the gas station (except for homeless people collecting cans). Plus people would save a lot of money on gas. Think about it inventors: "The Gas-less car." You could make thousands of dollars!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
