PAM'S POLL
by: Pam Halpert
Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes 13%
No 80%
*James Halpert was banned from participating in this poll.
CELEB 411
by: Kelly Kapoor
Halloween is fast approaching, which got me thinking about how there are tons of celebrities who don't even have to dress up to scare us. All trick, no treat. Obvious case in point: Marilyn Manson. His dramatic goth makeup is uglier than Detroit, and apparently he never takes it off. Maybe what he's hiding under there is even worse. Acne? A plastic surgery disaster? Courtney Love is another frightening display. Bad hair, bad clothes, bad attitude.
Lesson to take away: don't do drugs. And what about Steven Tyler? Sure he can rock, but he wears girl clothes and he's skinnier than Victoria Beckham. Eat a cheeseburger and put on a polo, man. You're old. Then of course, there's Gaga. You will def be having bad romance if you wear meat clothes. Scratch that - no romance. Don't get me wrong, I have all of her albums. But her tape for a bra and Viking striper costumes or whatever gives me a Halloween hangover all year long.
A ROYAL HALLOWEEN
by: Meredith Palmer
That's right people, you heard right - I was at Buckingham Palace back in April, cheering on Kate and Prince William after they tied the knot. The way those two were smoochin', it should have been renamed $*&#ingham Palace. We all know they got busy majestic-style.
What I would've paid to be in that honeymoon suite, am I right? Being in the UK to witness the love between those crazy British arses melted me more than a Snickers in the sun, and I wanted to bring back a little of that romance this Halloween with my recreation of Kate's dress. I know an oversized T-shirt with a white sheet duct taped to the bottom doesn't really do it justice, but you get the idea. And hey, maybe I won't get kicked out of P.J.'s Pub this year for lookin' too skanky!
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A CHILLING INVITATION
by: Gabe Lewis
This Halloween, I invite you to join me in my home where I will be screening several films in the "Cinema of the Unsettling" genre. These include but are not limited to: the classic hour-long shot of the squirrel with diarrhea, the infamous exploding whale, as well as a popular student film in which religious figurines and outdoor statuary are smashed. I may also screen a Bollywood film that stars a chopped hand. Hope to see you there, RSVP if you dare...
YOUR EGG, YOUR LOSS
by: Dwight Schrute
Schrute Farms gets egged each and every Hallow's Eve. I'm sure it's quite satisfying to lob a shelled sphere of thin membranes at my home. But what's even more satisfying is compiling all of that membrane and making the biggest, most delicious free omelet on the morning of November 1st. I sincerely thank you for that.
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