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DWIGHT SPEAKS! |
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by Dwight Schrute
For those of you tired of Butterball turkeys on Thanksgiving, there's a delicious alternative. I will personally shoot, de-feather, de-blood, butcher, re-blood, roast, and carve your very own squab. Your friends and family will be extra thankful this year when you share with them a genuine Schrute Farms baby pigeon, cooked to perfection. If you like crow, you'll love pigeon! And for an extra fee, I'll even come to your home and slaughter the live squab in front of you and your family! |
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ANGELA'S CUTE CORNER |
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by Angela Martin
Most people think that Thanksgiving is nothing more than a holiday where families sit around all day, eating massive amounts of turkey and offering thanks for the good things in their lives, in order to commemorate a harvest meal between the Pilgrims and Indians, after they survived a brutal winter together in 1621. For me, it means so much more: cats dressing up in Thanksgiving costumes. Every year, after I carve my Tofurkey, I enjoy a nice dessert of cat blogs (like The Cat's Meow) that highlight this wonderful tradition. And while I don't totally approve of their "Pocahontas look" (history has shown her to be more of a brazen hussy than someone worthy of being immortalized in a Walt Disney classic), these photos help remind us of the true meaning of Thanksgiving - traditional puritan values living in harmony with adorable cats. And that's something I think everyone can be thankful for.
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OSCAR'S GRIPE |
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by Oscar Martinez
This is a vulgar topic and I'm sorry to bring it up in such a public forum, but the so-called "gentlemen" of this office have left me little choice. On occasion, I like to bring The Economist into work. If it somehow ends up in the bathroom, fine, all are welcome to read it and expand their worldview. BUT when a magazine is brought into the bathroom, it should not leave the bathroom unless it's being recycled. I don't want to see it on your desk and I certainly don't want you to place it on my desk. In doing so, you not only deprive the office of satisfactory reading material in the bathroom, but expose it to fecal bacteria. I'm tired of having to scrub my desk in Purell, so please, leave the magazines in the bathroom, in the bathroom!
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KELLY'S (MOVIE REVIEW) KORNER |
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by Kelly Kapoor
New Moon is coming out this weekend!!!!!! I can barely type I'm so excited. I just read that Kristin Stewart (Bella) got whiplash from doing the emotional scenes in the movie. WHIPLASH!!!! That's what happens in car accidents!!!! I swear to god, if she doesn't win an Oscar and a Kid's Choice Award for her performance, the whole damned system is broken. Broken I tell you, BROKEN! Everyone needs to see this movie. EVERYONE. It's got vampires and werewolves and motorcycles and of course Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner. Pattinson AND Lautner!!!!!! And as amazing as Robert Pattinson was in the first movie, Taylor Lautner ups the ante in this. He's such an amazing actor!!!! He takes his shirt off AND he turns into a werewolf!!!!! Anyway, as far as the review goes I can say with absolute certainty that this is the best movie of the year, maybe even the best movie ever if turns out to be as good as the trailers have been. I give it 5,000 thumbs up!!!
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SCOTT'S SHOTS |
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by Michael Scott
It's Thanksgiving and that means time to offer Thanks. And I have soooooooooo much to be thankful for this year:
- My electronic Razor scooter. An impulse buy...now all the kids envy me as I cruise past them. I know because everyone stops and stares!
- My scooter helmet, which saved my life when I ran into that parked car after those punk teenagers chased me with their super soakers.
- My sense of humor. 'Nuff said.
- Mad AND Cracked magazines, a rivalry that has forced both magazines to really step up their game this year. I'm still laughing about their competing Mad Men parodies ("Plaidmen" and "GLAADmen"). Hilarious!!!!
- And finally, to all my friends, family, and frenemies at Dunder Mifflin, you are the wind beneath my wings. I love you guys, most of you not in an erotic way, but it's a beautiful love that I know you're all thankful for nonetheless.
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