*Temporarily taken over by Pam's replacement*
Does everyone in this office know my name?
To those 41% - hey, I'm Cathy (the girl sitting next to Jim). I've got brown hair, and a smile that was corrected by braces. I'll be taking over this newsletter until Pam is back.
Kevin's Thanksgiving Tips
by: Kevin Malone
Thanksgiving is my favorite time of year. And not just cause all the turkey, but also cause of the pie. Over the years I've become a real expert on this holiday, so I'm gonna share some pointers with you guys.
- First off, forget about any kind of diet restrictions. Thanksgiving is the one day you're allowed to eat so much food that you pass out, and no one can say anything.
- Ask everybody to bring a dish, and don't plan it out. If you're lucky, you could end up with 20 turkeys! Insane.
- Definitely have a children's table. Then when the adults get boring (which they always do), you can just pull up a chair with the kids and start a food fight.
- Have a funny centerpiece, like a fat pilgrim or a fake turkey. But whatever you do, DO NOT use a real turkey. Learned that the hard way.
- Make sure you say some kind of thanks before you eat. My personal favorite is, "Lord we know without a doubt, you'll bless this food, as we pig out."
- Stuff your turkey with something like Reese's Pieces or Sweet Tarts. Your guests will appreciate you for doing something unique.
- Scare the kids with the giblets. It's so funny, I promise.
- To save money, you can make use of stuff you already have. Like the thermometer from your bathroom as a meat thermometer, or try carving the turkey with a handsaw.
- Get drunk. Then the food tastes even better.
- Lastly, use paper plates and plastic flatware so you don't have to wash any dishes.
by: Creed Bratton
Happy Easter everybody. Paint some far out eggs.
by: Erin Hannon
There is so much I have to give thanks for this Turkey Day, and I wanted to share with all of you. Mostly because... it is you! Over the past two years, you've lit up my life with emotion. Smiles, laughter, confusion, a few tears... it's all been so great. I feel like I'm part of a real family for once. Creed and Phyllis are like the grandparents, Darryl, Pam, Jim, Kelly and Ryan are the brothers and sisters, Kevin's the baby, Angela's the strict aunt, Stanley's the hilarious uncle, Toby's the babysitter, Gabe is the Steve Urkel, Meredith and Dwight are the wacky neighbors, and Andy's like my best friend who zip-lines into my bedroom window at night from his bedroom window. It's all so wonderful, I could scream! Which I just did!! Happy Thanksgiving!!!
We Are the 99 Percent
by: Ryan Howard
Finally! People are voicing what I have been for years: the American government is ineffective. Now that everybody's saying it, I'll probably stop since I go against the grain. But for now, I'd like to encourage all of you to get out there and support Occupy Scranton in Courthouse Square, where yours truly and a bunch of other good-looking young people are protesting against reckless corporate greed. A few words of warning though: be prepared for manhandling, filth, hobos, silly string, pooping outside, and fire hazards/fires. This isn't your momma's demonstration.