Dunder Mifflin, Inc. - Scranton Newsletter

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Vol. 13 #12
December 22, 2011

PAM'S POLL
*Temporarily taken over by Pam's replacement*

Do you think it's hot to be single during the holidays?

85% said "No"
13% said "Yes"

2% said "Ask me again on January 1st"

Attn: Scranton Strolling Sing-Along
by: Jim Halpert

While I really love that some of you choose to ding dong merrily on high, you think you could skip our house this year? We've got a newborn. Thanks a million.

O Come All Ye Faithful
by: Andy Bernard

As most of you may know, I like to spread joy through song (and occasionally news, and safety alerts. But mostly just joy). So it's no surprise that Christmas caroling makes me happier than a kid on, well...Christmas. Yours truly is in charge of organizing the annual Scranton Strolling Sing-Along, and trust me - it's always a memorable affair.

Carolers

Last year we were thrown out of the post office for singing hymns on government property. What a rush!! You're all invited to join us this evening as we carol our way through town. I'll provide the top hats and the shawls, you provide the lungs and the smiles. Get ready cause this night's gonna be anything from silent!

Kelly's Guide to Gift Giving
by: Kelly Kapoor

It happens every year. The day after Christmas I excitedly head to the mall to use my gift cards and make fun of ugly people in the food court, when my happiness is abruptly ended cuz I have to watch tons of miserable girls return lame gifts from their significant others. Well that's not happening this year! Men: follow 'Kelly's Guide to Gift Giving' below, and there's no way you'll disappoint.

Skin care
DO: buy her sexy-scented lotion or body wash.
DO NOT: buy her wrinkle cream. Sure, maybe she complains about her crow's feet or frown lines, but she'll take care of that with Botox, and she'll take care of you too (by murdering you if you buy her wrinkle cream).
Dinner
DO: take her to a romantic dinner at a super hip restaurant that you had to make reservations at like 18 months ahead of time. And you should probably propose.
DO NOT: make the dinner yourself. That's ghetto.
Jewelry
DO: "accidentally" wander into the jewelry department with her pre-holiday, and take notes on what she's swooning over.
DO NOT: assume you think you know what she likes. You know nothing. You're a dude.
Clothing
Just don't even go there.
Flowers and/or candy
DO: buy these for her every other day of the year.
DO NOT: buy these for her on Xmas unless they're inside of a brand new car.

And it's as simple as that!

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