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LYRICS ISSUE |
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by Erin Hannon
I hope everyone has had a really great holiday so far! If they're anything like your Holiday Memories stories, I'm sure it's been nothing short of spectacular. But now on to the next order of business: New Year's Eve is tonight, and that silly song is going to be sung, and I just want to know once and for all what it means. "Old Lang Sign" has mixed me up for years. I don't know what a lang sign is, I've never seen one, and I don't know why I'm singing about one on New Year's Eve. It doesn't make sense. I mean I do think signs are cool, especially old ones. That "Scranton Welcomes You" sign off the expressway always makes me smile. But it seems like I should be singing about my new friends, and old friends and memories from the past and stuff. Does anyone know what this is all about?
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CELEB 411 |
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by Kelly Kapoor
 Holy $%*! you guys!! It's a Christmas miracle! Mr. Ryan Wonderful Reynolds, star of so many spectacular movies as well as my heart, is now SINGLE. Apparently ScarJo had too much of a hippy spirit for him (getting that weird bubbly tat of a sun and a mountain was strike number one - it looked like something Rupa used to fingerpaint. Ew). Anyway, Ryan's been at the top of my list for years. He's perfect in every way. He has a six-pack that dudes in jail would be jelly of, he's foreign (Vancouver - oui oui!), and he's just plain hot. Yes, he and Scarlet used to be the prettiest couple in Hollywood, but now the focus will be back on Brad and Angelina and I can focus on Ryan. Everybody knows we'd be great together. His name is Ryan for God's sake! And I definitely know how to handle my Ryans. Here's a few reasons spelled out why we should be a couple:
- I can sing, and Ryan loves that. Remember when he was with Alanis? But my songs won't be all "You Outta Know"s and Jagged Pills. They'll be like, "I love you so much Ryan, let's go to Applebee's and share a quesadilla."
- He has brown eyes, I have brown eyes.
- He's tan, I'm naturally golden -- we would burn up the red carpet together!
- He was voted 2010's Sexiest Man Alive, and I was voted sexiest Indian girl between the ages of 25-30 at the Yale Executive Training program by my roommates.
- I'm an Aquarius, he's a Scorpio. Although that's technically not a "match made in heaven" according to the stars, it's definitely a match made on Earth. I love you Ryan.
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SANTA CLAUS COME BACK TO TOWN |
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by Meredith Palmer
To the mysterious, really hot Santa at the mall who let me sit on his lap for a few minutes: you are one smooth operator and I want the phone number to the North Pole. Seriously, no one's treated 'ol Mer as well as you did that afternoon at Steamtown. You listened to what I wanted, you took a picture with me and didn't ask me to take my top off, you said "ho ho ho" and it wasn't directed toward me...Really - you're a doll and I'd like to get pizza with you. Let's make this happen.
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A QUESTION |
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by Creed Bratton
No two snowflakes are the same. Does that freak anybody else out?
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FAREWELL 2010 |
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by Michael Scott
 The New Year is the day that marks the beginning of a new calendar year. It's always a great time for me because I get to start fresh. I can leave so much of the BS from the past year exactly where it belongs: in the past. That jury notice I got a few weeks ago? No longer existent. Those state taxes I forgot to file? Not my problem. The past-due 2010 employee reviews? Not an obligation anymore. As soon as Seacrest starts the countdown and the clock hits midnight, a magical feeling of complete and stutter relief fleshes over me. It's wonderful. Time to say aloha ("goodbye" not "hello") to the worst of 2010 and pretend a lot of it never even happened. It's God's "get out of jail free" card (unless you're really in jail, and then, ya know...you're stuck there for now). This New Year's I'm gonna blast some Gloria Estefan, blow my noisemaker until I explode an eardrum or two, and cheers to brand new beginnings 'cause that's what it's all about. Happy New Year everybody.
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